Monochopsis: the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place
Inspired by hc's blog, I shall write about my recent feelings of social awkwardness and monochopsis.
1. With my supervisors:
Now that the only other female senior left, I am officially the only female auditor with two other guy seniors. What a sense of deja vu because this was the exact same traumatising scenario I experience in my very first engagement - the awkward intern girl with 2 other older guys who talked about complicated audit stuff and football. (I actually asked my mentor how to talk to guys... but she also advised me to say out of the football type of conversation). So these 2 supervisors, J ane K, likes to joke around alot in their malaysian accent. It definitely makes it more enjoyable in their presence, but the feeling of monochopsis cannot fully be suppressed. Sometimes I even speak in Malaysian chinese just to fit it! But when they talk about renting houses.. or laugh like idiots over the endless audit issues.. or talk about those Malaysian street names and places... I just feel lost. As lost as when guys talk about football @.@
I throw in random comments just to show I'm listening, but I'm pretty sure all of them sense the age gap! -foreverakid-
2. With the world cup team:
I'm actually really grateful that kc thought of asking ange and hc to come along for the kboxing session. Because of them~~ (throw in the Kelly Clarkson tune), i got to actually enjoy kboxing. If not, i would have never picked those disney songs and be judged for it!! THE POWER OF BEING TGT W BEST BUDS:D i don't know if kc knew about my monochopsis in the World cup team, thus that suggestion.. kc social radar is ever so impressive.
Back to my feelings about world cup team. You know after meeting people a feel times, you get a sense of what social group that person belongs to (or at least identify people who feel the same way as you)? Well, the world cup team is filled with cool people whose actions I completely cannot relate to! (I know the labelling of "cool people" and "nerds" is just a perception.. but I cannot help it!) They joke about feelings, tease people up down left right, stir everyone together. Sometimes I take them seriously and feels so stupid for worrying about whether the victim that was being stirred/"attacked" would be hurt. What happened to the social convention of not stirring attached people? Or the social convention not to purposely hurt other people's feeling?! Why is this EQ thing so inconsistent..Am I just too serious for my own good? OTL
I throw random comments in the group chat just to show I'm alive, but I don't think I'm truly visible. (Always thankful for xianzhe's presence because he is such a Francis-like leader who pays attention to everyone)
Trying hard to adapt to new social groups,
Jojo
P.s recently i discovered that everything not explicitly labelled a secret is actually a secret! Life has suddenly become a mine bomb everywhere. Innocence..is brilliance... yet another thing to adapt to. What a period of change :0
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