A better-than-expected Graduation

My graduation day was one chaotic day. It was a jam-packed schedule of ceremony, rushing around to take photo with friends and family, family dinner, rushing to photoshoot then rushing to tuition. Nonetheless, it was much better than I thought I would be!

Before graduation day, I was thinking everything is just a chore and was just dreading it, thinking the worse case scenario - no friends to take photo with. "Just a belated ceremony that people do for the sake of it".

But no, it was actually much more exciting. The amazement as you look at the teacher donned in cool robes, the anticipation as you wait for your friends turn to shine in stage, the doki-doki feeling when you are standby on the stage. The feeling when they read "Toh Si Ling Jocelyn" and I was like "omg why is the man stand so far away.. do I reach for his hand now? Now? What about now?" Then the awesome feeling when I look at my cert ^^

Then when I got out, I got a nice surprise when a good high school friend, Vivian,  gave us flowers! It did not even cross my mind that I will be receiving anything! I was just so grateful she even came. Not only vivian, but so did eemin, jingqi and my family. My family is like the super practical kind. So the fact that they all took leave to come down was like SUPER RARE (my parents never came for PTA meeting or anything since I'm always such a reliable and good student) Not only did they come down, they bought this super cute (yet expensive) $80 graduation bear. Today I hug it everyday to utilise every cent they spent. Can't do that for flowers tho.. I guess the flowers will just have to stay pristine in my memories LOL

Onward to the family photoshoot. We had to take the family shot first. However, everyone was so tense. Then the photography was like "boss, lady boss, why no smile??" Then my dad was like "cannot smile, my teeth very ugly" lol.  I was super tensed up, worried that if I move a muscle, a hair will go out of place or my head will become unaligned or the angle will just be off. They even gave me 4 ceramic tiles to step on so that everyone's height will be the same. Heels + 4 tiles is not easy to balance on..

Soon, it was my turn for the individual shot. For people who know me, I don't really know how to smile. My smile will always be just all teeth or just awkward. When I took my first shot, I literally, broke the camera light. The room went into complete blackout LOL. Thanks to the blackout, my family managed to sneak some photos with some of the other props haha (because no photography is allowed in the studio). I was so in love with this huge bear prop. The bear is big and taller than me AND totally huggable #lifegoals

I guess that just sums up my graduation

A truly independent adult now,
Jojo

Love for harmony

Today, yuen kun and I rekindled our love for harmony. In our high school days we would hide under the school staircase or some empty toilet to learn our harmonies.

So, #throwback,
we hid at the empty part of the bus interchange to learn "I see the light" (it's stuck in my head the past week).

Then we felt stifled and awkward because when we harmonised, our voices would sound louder and people would hear us 0.0 In the end, we decided to go to Bukit Timah Hill, where is tranquil and quiet. Alas, it started drizzling. So we had to stand at this random roadside near my house (where there are less people) and figure out the harmonies. It's nice to have a soul sister who buay paiseh singing out in the public and spend hours figuring out harmonies! Hahaha

Rejuvenated for another week of work,
Jojo

Time to be more courageous

-refer to picture-

I was reading this scene of the mana recently (yes..a childish guilty pleasure.. but the story development is fast and easy to keep up for my busy schedule)

So inspired! You know moments when you have lunch with your superiors. You wanna say something but is too afraid to say it for fear of looking stupid... that's me everyday at work during the lunch period. I never understood why some people- the extroverts- can speak their mind and talk about some random topics. But now I realised that it's really about having the courage to be hurt :0

Even inviting friends to my graduation convocation, took days of pondering. Like "would they be burdened" "would this sound desperate" "what if they dao".. I seem to be reverting back into my naturally timid self. What happened to that brave Enactus Project Leader, who said whatever to get things done.. During that period, i probably tuned out all my anxiety and fear and chunked them out as "inefficient" emotions. But thats not completely right either.. It's a constant struggle to be sensitive but honest!

Mental note to be braver,
Jojo

Dreams

Since there's nothing much to do on the bus, I shall blog haha. I find blogging a good way to remember things. I tend to have short term memory regarding my own life 0.0

So I was watching a YouTube ads by SK two. I only watched to because it was featuring Japanese women and their dreams. Listening to Japanese is just like music to my ears <3 In this ad, japanese housewives were being counselled. But the cousellor was actually wearing earphones and repeating comments by little kids. The ad is so touching because it showed how adult tend to give up their dreams for the mundane things like housework, looking after kids and work etc. I made me rethink like how I was when I was a kid- with endless curiosity and dreams.

What's my dream? It's probably things like trying out new things, go explore new places, try new food. Bungee, learn piano, I still like being a doctor and learn about illnesses though.. doing something to make a huge impact on the world (or some impact, some is good lols).... I find that to pursue such dreams, one needs:

1. To remind ourselves what makes us happy and what drives us. And not be like mindless drones working ourselves to death. I have that workaholic tendency because my pride is tied to the responsibilities I bear . Typical A-type personality.

2. Courage. The courage to pursue these dreams yourself. I guess it's hard to find someone who can live through these dreams with you. Especially when you are older and friends have their own dreams to pursue and things to do. I can't imagine taking classes my myself with a bunch of strangers, nor doing bungee jumping myself like an anti social kid. However, I'm just worried if I keep waiting, I'll never achieve these dreams.

Coincidentally, I bought a friendship necklace with Angela today. Hopefully that will remind me to stay bright and dream big

Cheers,
Jojo

Entering the life of the adults

1. Money management
Honestly, it's not true that adults have more money no. I am poorer than ever. Working doubly hard but with only half the budget I used to have. During my university days, I had $20 pocket money and tuition income and my money flowed like water. I never bothered counting the charge or notice how much my meal cost. Now it's like strict budgeting and recording down my expenses so that I don't overspend. Well with all the school loan, bills, insurance needs, money for parents, retirement saving/family planning needs... life just got real. So nope, life is not that glamorous on this side.

2. The nostalgia
-Meeting up primary school friends and seeing how different they all are and how wavelengths have changed, it's quite lonely. It's like... wow now you drive, club, have boyfriend and stuff? All the commonality we used to have are all gone. It's a confusing world- used to be close, but so different now. Didn't we use to chat and visit each other houses everyday?

-the band people I used to be part of but not totally well acquainted with: I always want to join in the meetings. But I can only remember the time when I went, and was only forgotten and lost. I did not get any of the inside jokes and was just awkward sitting there trying to figure things out. I missed too much to suddenly join in now :/

- Friendship made in the past: I wonder if they were only made out of convenience due to circumstances. We were classmates, in the same room, during the same things and many opportunities to come together and talk. Only few of such friendships are resilient and become lasting. I try to hold on tight to these friendship and meet different friends as frequent as possible. But, do these friends cherish me as I cherish them? Or I am just being possessive and unwilling to let go of the past?

3. The daunting new working environment
I feared entering a new environment. During my school break, I was worried over lack of conversation, being left out and having no friends. However things turned out brilliantly. I made kinda-friends  (we haven't hang out much beyond work hours but at least I feel like there is this support group there). I have people to eat with everyday. And during lunch i have interesting conversation with these new people. I definitely am having fun doing different new things, taking a peek into the inner workings on each company I'm posted to :3 I pray things remain this perfect

4. The new body clock
Waking up at 7 plus is like a normal thing now. Even for weekend I wake up naturally at 7-8am. It is a miracle! I am amazed at how well I am adapting to this new and healthy lifestyle!

5. Image management
Ever since my leadership role in Enactus, i am becoming so conscious of not being too task oriented, judgemental or cold. I smile a lot and try to help others out while I can. I try to listen to others views and memorise it really hard (because I am so bad with name and remembering details of day to day conversations).

Being misunderstood is such a sad thing. To think my Enactus peers and team members used to think of me as unapproachable/cold/ something I am not...(just because I am introverted and task oriented).. oh wellz at least I learnt a lot from this experience. I learnt to pay more attention to people and up my EQ at least hahaha.
My friend's girlfriend thinks I'm stealing him from her. For people to have such a negative image of me, I must have done something wrong to set a bad impression. It's a sad thing to start off with the wrong foot and be always so misunderstood. Hope I can somehow clean up this image..

6. The focus on how you look
People in the central business district all look so chic, with nicely groomed eyebrows, nice skin, nice clothes. The need to wear makeup all the time. Even the best friend who starts wearing makeup all the time. Reality check: I have to wear makeup now whether I like it or not.

So on a whim, I went to get my brows done. By done, I mean trimmed so that it's less bushy and more chic. I went to this brows place I saw last time and ask

Me: 修眉 (eyebrow treading), 有吗?
Her: 绣眉( eyebrow embroidery aka almost like tattooing) plus design, have! $15

Me, new to this world, didn't hear the difference in technical terms, went along with it. Before I knew it, half my eyebrows were done. I looked more crayon chan as ever. Then I HAD to get the eyebrow tattooing deal for $550 =.= bye bye money, more starvation this month.. at least I got killer eyebrows now. Sharp enough to kill hahaha. I knew I had the right to get angry with the aunty for cutting half my brows away, but I just couldn't get mad. I hate conflicts. Also, they looked like they barely had business, working just to make ends meet.

Yep, finally got all these new experiences and thought blogged down (like I intended to  5 days ago..) Ready to sleep now!

Till next time,
Jojo

My best friend is leaving for 3 months

After the adrenalin rush for cca recruitment week, orientation camp, first few week of settling into school, I suddenly feel very dispirited. 

1. Maybe I haven't been getting alot of sleep and me-time lately
2. My best friend is going away for winter exchange to Taiwan. My comfort zone has officially left Singapore :/

-the tribute post to ange starts now-

I started feeling the impact of having my BFF missing in action a few days ago, when I signed up for the free one-month membership at Kfit. This kfit membership allows me to join zumba/yoga classes, escape room, megazip adventures adventures at sentosa for FREE. 6hours later, I cancelled that membership, realising that my BFF will be going to taiwan. That means no one who will be on enough to follow along with my whims. No one who would see me as a number 1 priority. They would probably say "maybe" while they wait for other possible outing invitations ._. No one who would just come my house to chill (ie sing with a computer/lego/ gym/ cook). There's case budz... but even my case budz friends have other priorities..

For the first time in 8 years, we will be skipping out on our semesterly routine of studying together at libraries. We would not have lunch together every other week. I would not be physically with ange as she uncover a new experience in her life. Neither will she be physically with me as I brave through the Enactus storms ahead. It's a whole new test to our 8 year friendship!

Ange probably never knew how important she is in my life. She is like my sister. This is very mushy to say.. but ange has become my courage to make friends. Alone, I feel like I'm facing strangers who would judge me. Together,  I feel less need to control my image. I feel empowered enough to want to include new people into our lives.

I'm really glad to have case budz with me while ange is gone. Case budz has become one of my most cherished relationship. And I can't help but think that ange played a huge role in bringing all of us together. Haiz. . So emo... Anyway, i hope case budz can stay strong even after 10 years!! Then we can have an anniversary party~~

Apprehensive about the journey ahead,
Jojo

I hate "Maybe"

This past week, the word "maybe" has been going round and round my head. I really detest this word. What is "Maybe"? Why can't it be a clear "yes" or "no"
OR suggesting alternative options
OR even conditional response like "I can if..."

"Maybe" is like a cowardly response for "no I don't want to" but I'm cowardly to say no. So I'll just say "maybe". Push the responsibility to someone else to convince me to the yes side -.-

It feels really stressful when one organises an outing. Then the other party plays the closed book game and hides all his chips. It takes 2 hands to clap doesn't it. If the other doesn't want to clap, what's the point.

Disappointed that Ange and I did not manage to organise an outing to tramboline park or free ice skating,
Jojo:/